The last few days in the abject loneliness has given me so much to think and reflect over. I have for so long, been on the edge of hot and cold with no certainty of tomorrow. It is just unfortunate that things turned out this way. Life is a teacher itself and thus to be tutored by life will certainly be in the hardest way.

I have been all alone, down with illness, pains and happiness seem to be far away from here. I ma just thinking of my life, friends and family and it makes my heart beat faster than ever with tears freely flowing down my cheeks. I am thinking of my family and why I was born into the family where love is totally absent and where anger and enmity reign freely. I realize that I can fight the battle no; I am losing it all and it is time to sit aback and just reflect why.

Today makes it nine days in my total loneliness and I am thinking about my friends and those who I call friends because it seems like I do not understand the concept of friends and maybe that is why I am not geared towards making friends. I am dying slowly in search for a real friend; one who understand my plights and feelings. I have been so scared for long. Maybe I was just born freely to experience these feelings.

My mother caused me so much pains. I barely knew her for she was never there. She was never there to change my diapers; not even to sulk her breast, that she deprived me of. I am thinking about her now. It is ill to speak of the dead but I speak of you because I long for you now and miss you even though you never made me to say so.

I am thinking of you now my lover and those days we shared. I told you that I dreaded those forth-coming days we would never be again but you did not believe me. I can’t argue again because I have lost deeply and believe me, I am dying slowly in this loneliness. I had a chat with loneliness and it said that I am not lonely. I am taken aback but then re-assured me that I could be a better person in loneliness.

I am in the hospital now and just writing this because the doctor said I am fit to go home but he doesn’t understand that I am dying slowly inside of me. I am too tired to fight on, I can’t go on again because I am so weak, maybe I just need a re-assuring family, a welcome-back girlfriend and above all a stronger will to face tomorrow. This will only complete the circle of life. Maybe.

About ogungbesan20

2 Responses to DYING SLOWLY

  1. rallentandaa says:

    Nietzsche said
    What does not kill you makes you stronger.

    In this dreadful circumstance
    Don battle dress, mount your steed, straight back,hold your head high and ride like the wind to survival.
    I share your situation . Let’s enjoy the ride:)
    Good luck!

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