DYING SLOWLY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(mrkhealth.pbworks.com)

 

The last few days in the abject loneliness has given me so much to think and reflect over. I have for so long, been on the edge of hot and cold with no certainty of tomorrow. It is just unfortunate that things turned out this way. Life is a teacher itself and thus to be tutored by life will certainly be in the hardest way.

I have been all alone, down with illness, pains and happiness seem to be far away from here. I ma just thinking of my life, friends and family and it makes my heart beat faster than ever with tears freely flowing down my cheeks. I am thinking of my family and why I was born into the family where love is totally absent and where anger and enmity reign freely. I realize that I can fight the battle no; I am losing it all and it is time to sit aback and just reflect why.

Today makes it nine days in my total loneliness and I am thinking about my friends and those who I call friends because it seems like I do not understand the concept of friends and maybe that is why I am not geared towards making friends. I am dying slowly in search for a real friend; one who understand my plights and feelings. I have been so scared for long. Maybe I was just born freely to experience these feelings.

My mother caused me so much pains. I barely knew her for she was never there. She was never there to change my diapers; not even to sulk her breast, that she deprived me of. I am thinking about her now. It is ill to speak of the dead but I speak of you because I long for you now and miss you even though you never made me to say so.

I am thinking of you now my lover and those days we shared. I told you that I dreaded those forth-coming days we would never be again but you did not believe me. I can’t argue again because I have lost deeply and believe me, I am dying slowly in this loneliness. I had a chat with loneliness and it said that I am not lonely. I am taken aback but then re-assured me that I could be a better person in loneliness.

I am in the hospital now and just writing this because the doctor said I am fit to go home but he doesn’t understand that I am dying slowly inside of me. I am too tired to fight on, I can’t go on again because I am so weak, maybe I just need a re-assuring family, a welcome-back girlfriend and above all a stronger will to face tomorrow. This will only complete the circle of life. Maybe.