A FRESH BREATH

Maybe for too long, the Sun refused to shine on me.

I have learned to go on and make hay even when nothing is forthcoming,

I might have just drift away; from happiness and joy.

It is just unusual; this feeling, maybe it is false.

My condolences; I have dwelt so much, it drowned me.

So, I have been so weak for long and loneliness knew me so well,

Ha! is this not a lamentation of  me?

A fresh breath is all I need,

A new me to move on,

Time to get it right and stop playing undecided.

In far away land; close to the North pole,

I seek this breath in a no man’s island or domain.

I just have to get it right now.

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LESSONS LIFE TAUGHT ME.

I have journeyed through life and learned a lot from it. I have been tutored by life itself and dealt harshly by realities of life. The journey of love, friendship and family are just sacred; we only know after we lose them. If only we knew, oh, if only we knew.

It is true that we do not know the worth of what we have now not until it is gone. It is also true that we do not know the vacuum being experienced until someone com over and fill them. Irony of life itself! Life taught me this and I learned it with might, without fears and with courage. I sailed on.

I learned to love but I learned that the worst feeling in love is the one in which we love someone but never had the opportunity to share with the person on despite all our ventures, the other party still failed to realize this. To love and not be loved in return.

That to dream, takes a bold heart to do so and to achieve all our dream requires a even bigger heart. To dream is okay but not achieving it is worst than even dreaming it. To be bold in life require a bold feeling and anticipation. One that can never be taken away from one, one that instigate us still.

The happiest people we see are not really happy as they should be but they can’t let others looking up to them down. They are pillars to many homes and thus wouldn’t want to let others down. If we could share a moment with; we would have helped the to be better.

Life is journey with only one stop; one final destination in which all must heed to. I learned that to love, we must love endlessly and to hate, we must hate not! That when we are born, we cried so much while others were laughing. So live fully so that when we die, people will be crying and we will be laughing.

That a careless whisper, gossip and word hurts deeply with no forgotten memories while a good word soothe the soul well and kindle all enmities that might have transpired before. It heals the heart and soul. Say good word always because they sustains us.

Love begins in the most unusual place, blaze through and eventually becomes unstoppable. Love like never but be beware of sadness and friends. They make or destroy. Live your life fully and one thing: allow life to tutor you as it did to me because it preaches right.

The happiest people are not happy so much, they make do of what they have. The saddest people are sad because sorrows fills them. Always put yourself in people’s shoes before you act because they know where it hurt. Above all, live life freely and savour each day.

SAVOUR THE MOMENT

We come from different places, speak in different tongues and think in different thoughts. We come with our cultures, beliefs and visions with the desire to propel into the known that is unknown. One thing is that we fail to realize that we all are about to undergo a journey or maybe we all are in a journey.

We see us going though a long never ending journey, we peek out through the windows looking straight into the green grasses, ever blue skies, animals panting and racing up. We see farther and further but yet our stops hasn’t come to an halt. We begin to relish the next stop hoping that it is now. As we journey further, some stops are made in imaginations but they aren’t our stops. Some stops are only imaginary and never true. They are fictions or rather deterrent to our goals. Some are made to anticipate us further but in the end, as we journey through, there is only one ultimate stop we know not of.

Why rant, panic, rush for that stop that even the journey guide doesn’t know? For himself, is also on a journey. Why hurry to see then band players with their instruments out to welcome us? Why make haste and forget the moments we ought to have shared? Why give up the joy and happiness and give way for panic over an unknown stop?  We race down the aisles in anticipation but the more we anticipate, the more the journey and when we finally want to take a pause, our stop comes and we begin to regret those moments.

See, we journey as strangers in search for that stop, we had thought it would take only a matter of time to reach that stop we thought we knew but barely knew. Savour this moment, hold unto it, enjoy the tiding its bring and forget the sorrows. Relish the moment as if you stop was never destined. Help the needy, poor and homeless. Take a bold step to do some happiness, stop pacing up, stop racing the aisles and stop counting how much you covered and how much more you have to cover. Sometimes, the journey had barely started but we already thought we were 3/4 over the distance when we had barely started.

Why not relax and do some happiness? Why not have fun? Why not relish the moment? Why not savour the moment? Why not climb more hills? Swim across more oceans? Dare the tides of the sea? The roar of the lions? Why not watch the rising of the Sun? The ever shining Moon? The beauty of nature at dusk? Help the needy? Show love? Why not preoccupy the mind with something worth the journey.

Soon, our unknown and unseen stop will come and then we will all dis-embark. The stop is in the station even but then who know when. I will only savour the moment by relaxing back and watch the harmony of nature.

SHE IS MY ILLNESS

I have been ill for days now. My blood pressure is rising so high. Sometimes it comes up and then go down. Of late, severe head-aches has been the order of the day and thus dizziness and tiredness has become associated with me, a dying heart. I am ill and I know this but this illness is not the one that you go to the hospital and treat. It is one that has no limit and yet boundless.

It been over over three months since we broke up and those three months has been hell for me. It has left me weaker than I suppose I would have been. Three months of sorrow, heart-break and emotional trauma. I guess I could be blamed for it but could a forgiving heart not forgive? You taught me forgiveness but found it hard to forgive, otherwise why am I sick?

I know that it been over three months and still I am afraid to take the first step by closing up my heart and pretend that it never occurred. It was a painful break-up with so much stabs, wounds that refuse to heal and tears that refuses to dry up. I could only pretend that I am happy but deeply, I am not happy and you know it. I wonder if you are thinking of me. Do you even think of me?

Now, I have tried so hard to move on but I keeps falling into pieces, with greater motivation, I tried harder but yet fell so hard and I knew that I can’t move on. I have begged you to take me back but you will not; your heart is hurt. I am sorry to hurt them but I could mend them if only you gave me a second chance and also heal my wounds.

I am sick but the doctor said I am fine She probably just can’t see that I am ill deeply. Emotionally disorientated, sadly depressed, hurt badly and fearfully weak but she said I am fine. I am not fine and you know that you are my illness; the one who could ill me and heal me. Take a step, retrace them and come back to me. My arms are wide open for peace. I need to be strong in order to journey this circle of life.

 

DYING SLOWLY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(mrkhealth.pbworks.com)

 

The last few days in the abject loneliness has given me so much to think and reflect over. I have for so long, been on the edge of hot and cold with no certainty of tomorrow. It is just unfortunate that things turned out this way. Life is a teacher itself and thus to be tutored by life will certainly be in the hardest way.

I have been all alone, down with illness, pains and happiness seem to be far away from here. I ma just thinking of my life, friends and family and it makes my heart beat faster than ever with tears freely flowing down my cheeks. I am thinking of my family and why I was born into the family where love is totally absent and where anger and enmity reign freely. I realize that I can fight the battle no; I am losing it all and it is time to sit aback and just reflect why.

Today makes it nine days in my total loneliness and I am thinking about my friends and those who I call friends because it seems like I do not understand the concept of friends and maybe that is why I am not geared towards making friends. I am dying slowly in search for a real friend; one who understand my plights and feelings. I have been so scared for long. Maybe I was just born freely to experience these feelings.

My mother caused me so much pains. I barely knew her for she was never there. She was never there to change my diapers; not even to sulk her breast, that she deprived me of. I am thinking about her now. It is ill to speak of the dead but I speak of you because I long for you now and miss you even though you never made me to say so.

I am thinking of you now my lover and those days we shared. I told you that I dreaded those forth-coming days we would never be again but you did not believe me. I can’t argue again because I have lost deeply and believe me, I am dying slowly in this loneliness. I had a chat with loneliness and it said that I am not lonely. I am taken aback but then re-assured me that I could be a better person in loneliness.

I am in the hospital now and just writing this because the doctor said I am fit to go home but he doesn’t understand that I am dying slowly inside of me. I am too tired to fight on, I can’t go on again because I am so weak, maybe I just need a re-assuring family, a welcome-back girlfriend and above all a stronger will to face tomorrow. This will only complete the circle of life. Maybe.